Delete Dating Apps to Enjoy Higher Quality Dates

Plus, Why It Can Be More Exciting When You Go On A Date With Someone You Didn't Meet Using An App

I go through periods where I use dating apps; however, like most dating app users, I also experience “dating app fatigue.” This happens when I get tired of swiping on pictures, too much texting (sometimes to no end,) and from time to time, meeting someone to discover that how they portrayed themselves in their profile (either in the pics or what they wrote) is a little too far from the truth.

So, I also go through periods when I delete dating apps! But I don’t stop dating. I meet people in what I call the “old-fashioned way,” meaning I start a conversation with the person sitting next to me in the coffee shop, I say hello to the woman who keeps looking over at me while she’s selecting avocados at the grocery store, and I participate in sports and take classes. You know, all the stuff we used to do before we ever heard of swiping left or right!

Does Deleting Dating Apps Mean Fewer Dates?

As I write this, the first question that comes to mind is, when I don’t use dating apps, do I actually go on fewer dates? I would say yes, but only slightly fewer. Even though the pool of users on some dating apps is quite large, it doesn’t automatically mean you’ll go on more dates. Even when you connect with someone, there are plenty of logistical reasons why you may not get together. Maybe they live far from you, have kids and it’s hard to get a sitter, plus many other reasons. When I use dating apps, I find I spend a lot more time messaging with people… but messaging does not necessarily result in setting up a date and getting together.

Does Not Using Apps Result in More High Quality Dates?

The next question that comes to mind as I consider my current phase of not using dating apps is whether the quality of my dates is better. By quality, what I mean is when I get together with that person, do we both enjoy ourselves, do we share interest and compatibility with each other, and when the date ends, is there potential for a future date? By these criteria, when I consider the dates I have had after meeting my date by some means other than a dating app to be of higher quality, my answer is undeniably yes!

Here’s why.

A dating app requires you to be attracted to someone at least twice. First, you have to notice and like them on the app. Then, when you meet, you find out if you’re actually attracted to them in person. These are not the same thing! Virtual feelings versus real feelings can be very different. So, if you meet someone in person at a dance and find them attractive, you’re far more likely to find them attractive in the same way when you meet again for coffee a few days later.

Also, when you meet someone at a dance or playing pickleball (or whatever), you’ve already had a chance to build rapport. Messaging back and forth over an app or via text is not great for building rapport because we tend to build rapport through shared experiences. So if you have already enjoyed an activity with someone and then gone on a date… you have a good indicator of how it feels in general to be around that person. The rapport you have already established gives the date you go on a better chance of turning out to be high-quality.

Finally, going out with someone you meet at the shopping mall or at a party can be a lot more exciting than the usual, “We swiped right on each other, texted for a bit, and then went for coffee.”

In fact, going on a date with someone you meet in an original way can be far more exciting because (and this is important:)

Men often find it very scary to approach a woman they don’t know to get her phone number so they can take her out on a date. Myself included. Whenever I ask a woman for her phone number, it still scares me (at least a little.) For my brothers out there reading this, it’s worth experiencing this fear, pushing through, and asking anyway. If the woman is interested and available, she will give you her number. If she’s not, that’s okay. In the latter case, you won’t get to take her on a date, but you also don’t go home and wonder what might have happened if you had just opened your mouth and spoken to her.

On the other hand, women have confided in me that they find it very sexy when a confident man approaches, behaves in a cool way, and then asks for their number to set up a date. Some women find this positively thrilling. One time, I made a nice connection with a woman I met during a fitness class. After the workout, I asked her for her number. She said that this was the one day that she had gone out without wearing her ring and that she was actually married. I don’t recall what I said, but I was cool and didn’t make a big deal of it. However, she looked at me beamingly and said, “I love it when guys hit on me!”

That last anecdote doesn’t end up with us going on a date; however, it illustrates how exciting it can be when you connect with someone in a situation that’s a little original and not just the “swipe right, message, meet for coffee” app experience. Can the excitement you feel when you meet someone in an original way carry over to make your subsequent dates feel more exciting? You bet!

So, what should we do about this? Delete all dating apps and never use them? No. If you enjoy using them and feel you are connecting with people you like, then by all means, use them. However, I strongly encourage you also to try not to use them. For men, this means don’t hesitate to start a conversation with the woman waiting in line at Starbucks with you. For women, don’t hesitate to smile or make eye contact with a guy who you find interesting. (A small signal goes a long way towards alleviating the fear of approach that so many men have.)

So, enjoy meeting people and enjoy happy dates!